Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien

Light shines through my window

2012-02-09T10:08:00.000-08:00

I lie in my bed at 2:11 am.
The air is still and warm. I can feel that fine layer of cold sweat on my neck and legs as my fan blows effortlessly towards my bed.

I stare at all the beautiful soft lights that shine through my window, casting pink, orange and light grey shapes of the pane onto my walls. The dark shadows of the tree branches dance amongst these squares, caused by the light breeze that flows outside.

Erik Satie is softly playing, and i can't help but find myself drenched in nostalgia.
the imagery of lying next to the one i love, in my old room, makes itself comfortable in my mind. The blue moon peering through the sky light.
I can almost feel them lying next to me again. Their smell. Somehow, it brings me peace.

For a very small moment, i don't feel so alone, sleeping with my memories.

Gymnopedie 1 by Erik Satie on Grooveshark

Memories

2012-02-07T09:02:00.000-08:00

This evening i was reminded of memories i shared. Wonderful, beautiful memories. When i think of them, tears come to my eyes and a smile to my lips. So many exquisitely sad memories that i will never, ever forget.

To my best friend.

2012-01-30T09:12:00.001-08:00

It took me a long time, but i guess i have to start some where. Hopefully you can hear what's being said at first :)

1:05 am. A week has gone by

2012-01-29T09:04:00.000-08:00

on the morning when I woke up without you for the first time,
I felt free.
and I felt lonely.
and I felt scared.
and I began to talk to myself almost immediately,
not being used to being the only person there.
hmmmm

the first time I made coffee for just myself,
I made too much of it.
but I drank it all,
just 'cause you hate it when I let things go to waste.
and I wandered through the house, like a little boy lost at the mall.
and an astronaut could've seen the hunger in my eyes from space.

and I sang oh
what do I do?
what do I do?
what do I do?
what do I do without you?

on the morning when I woke up without you for the first time,
I was cold, so I put on a sweater.
and I turned up the heat.
and the walls began to close in
and I felt so sad and frightened,
I practically ran from the living room out into the street.

and the wind began to blow and all the trees began to bend.
and the world in its cold way started coming alive.
and I stood there like a businessman waiting for a train.
and I got ready for the future to arrive.

and I sang oh
what do I do?
what do I do?
what do I do?
what do I do without you?

One day has yet to go by where i haven't wanted to just call and talk to you. And not one day will ever go by where i don't miss you and i don't love you, because i always will.
I hope you're well.

I digress

2012-01-17T00:40:00.001-08:00

I can be so horrible. It is no ones fault but my own that i push the people i love away from me.

"All good things come to an end" First posted on the 31st of August 2010

2012-01-17T00:38:00.000-08:00

I first wrote this entry on the 31st of August 2010

"Today i made a decision.
A mutual decision with someone else, that we could no longer continue interacting the way we were.
It is one of those decisions that no one ever wants to make.
But it is for the better. That is what we have decided to tell each other.
And it is, really. There is no point in ignoring what you're feeling. Not like that. And not when you're in love with someone. It's simply unfair to do that to another human being.
It is such a loss, but such a major gain. That is what i said this afternoon over a laminate table and divine breakfast. The look of despair hung heavy in their eyes like wet clothes on a line. And the topic sat in a big lump in my throat.

I know that we have such a special friendship. I can't stress that enough.

I don't want to think about not having them around. They are too dear.
I just hope that they can see soon enough that this bond of a friendship between two people is far greater, and that if we continued to fall the way we did, we wouldn't even have the friendship that i hold so highly.

At the end of the day, i can't change the way i feel. It does not mean that they don't mean any less what so ever.
This person has experienced the best and absolute worse of me in such little time. They managed to pry me open and i welcomed that. I can tell them anything.
I look forward to the many days that we will still spend, sharing what we love and know in this ridiculous world.

I don't think i have met many people in my life that i believe to be kindred spirits with. Perhaps one. Definitely one. The kind that just knowing them makes you the happiest gal alive. I think this person is one of them. So make that two. I hope that feeling is mutual at least.

I left them this afternoon feeling that lump only getting bigger.

There is so much more to say. The kind of subject that has no more of a conclusion than the obvious one in front of you. And it will all be said,
when we meet again to share as we do, what we love and know; in such a ridiculous, silly world"

It is now the 17th of January 2012
It all seems to strange to read this. But all i know is it truly breaks my heart. I wish i could feel that positivity that i had when i wrote this back then. All i feel now is just sadness.

2012-01-16T16:26:00.000-08:00

I'm so hurt by everything. Andrew continues to say how much space he wants when it's so easy for him to just go out and leave but he doesn't. I have spent so much time walking around him and i just don't need to anymore. I will be gone in 5 days and all i want is to just be happy in what is still MY HOME. I am terrified of moving and terrified of being alone there and all i want is to feel his support when all i feel is him just waiting for me to leave. I want to leave too, it's just as hard for me, but i dont think he sees it that way. It's sickening and i just want to disappear.

2012-01-13T19:46:00.001-08:00

Don't go to strangers

2012-01-09T06:35:00.001-08:00

Build your dreams to the stars above
But when you need someone to love
Don't go to strangers, darling, come to me
Play with fire till your fingers burn
And when there's no place for you to turn
Don't go to strangers, darling, come to me
For, when you hear a call to follow your heart
You'll follow your heart I know
I've been through it all, for I'm an old hand
And I'll understand if you go
So...
Make your mark for your friends to see
But when you need more than company
Don't go to strangers, darling, come to me

Last night i dreamt...

2012-01-09T04:12:00.001-08:00

That someone told me that i was a beautiful writer, and that they wanted to publish some of the things i had done. I was so happy. Then i woke up.

WHEN WILL IT BEGIN?

2012-01-07T22:16:00.000-08:00

I am so unhappy with myself.
I have no inner peace right now and all i want to do is just run away. Even though i know that won't do anything.
Why can't it just be easy for me as well? Why am i left to feel like i am so easy to replace and erase?

Come on universe, i just want to be fucking happy. I want to be as happy as i was a year ago, when everything was so perfect.
I am begging someone, something to just be that happy again. Even just a notion.
Because it is getting far too hard to pretend every day that "I'm ok, really. i'll be fine. I'm tough".

WHAT NOW

2012-01-06T20:32:00.000-08:00

I don't understand. What am i supposed to do with all this fucking love that i have if i can't even show it? Why am i now just left with this? This is the one hurdle i don't know how to get over. I am stuck.

2012-01-06T20:07:00.001-08:00

"If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world." -C.S. Lewis

word for word, oh lord!

2012-01-05T05:50:00.001-08:00

You made me leave my happy home
You took my love and now you're gone
Since I fell for you

Love brings such misery and pain
I guess I'll never be the same
Since I fell for you

It's too bad, It's too sad
I'm in love with you
You loved me, then you snubbed me
But what can I do
I'm still in love with you

I guess I'll never see the light
I get the blues 'bout every night
Since I fell for you

It's too bad, It's too sad
I'm in love with you
You loved me, then you snubbed me
But what can I do
I'm still in love with you

I guess I'll never see the light
I get the blues 'bout every night
Since I fell for you.

Happy fucking new year.

2012-01-01T10:46:00.000-08:00

I wish i wasn't apart of last night's celebrations. I honestly wish i stayed at home and pretended it wasn't the dawn of a new year. Or to at least just acknowledge that on my own.

I went to a party down the road from my house. Andrew and I agreed that we would still spend New Years together. Which i appreciate very much so. But just being around so many people, who were so damn happy. I couldn't stomach it very well, so when the clock struck twelve; i didn't know how to be anything else but more sad.

A big part of my life has ended, and the new year just set it all in stone for me.
So, that is exactly what i was like at 12 am this morning, just very very sad. Andrew says that when i finally move away is when it's all going to hit him. I hope that is the truth. Which isn't a very nice thing to say, but i guess i just think of it as surely i have made an impact on his life like he has mine?

I do believe him though.

At the same time, i am so hurt and so in love, but i am ready to move. I am ready to heal and just be on my own. I am ready for him to be my closest friend and to cherish that for the rest of my life. I believe that you are meant to know certain people in life. You are meant to love them and care for them. Andrew is one of those people and always will be. Such a beautiful smile and soul, it's impossible not to.

I am looking at an art deco apartment during the week. It is strangely the one Andrew and I had looked at before we moved to 1103. I'm not sure if that is supposed to have some kind of spooky meaning, but i do love the building. Fingers crossed the building likes me!

I suppose i should get onto thinking of some resolutions too..
The only one that comes to mind so far is to never put anything off, and follow everything through!

Perhaps i will think of more and write about them.

Until then i am just a sad sucker trying to be happy about something that is so sad.

The Times They Are A-Changing by Bob Dylan on Grooveshark

At times like these

2011-12-31T01:15:00.000-08:00

I am filled with such an overwhelming feeling because i have such an unconditional love for someone. It lifts me up when i think about it.
But then the sad realisation that i no longer can act on it greets me again, and once more i am sad.

Speaks for itself

2011-12-23T17:18:00.001-08:00

There’s a hair on the bed
The clock has stopped ticking
And nothing remotely romantic has been said

Let’s not pass on the steps
Let’s take the season very easy
Let’s take pills, salt water, let’s keep looking ahead

Oh, it’s a bad, bad ritual
Oh, but it calms me down
Oh, it’s a bad, bad ritual
Oh, but it calms me down

There is a history in pictures
There is evidence in boxes
There is proof of your love for him, long after it's dead

And every creak, a trigger
I will think of you with others
I could not smother out that fire in my head

And I saw your levitating chair
I found your long blond hairs
I felt your poltergeist presence in the frame of the bed

Every creak is a trigger
I will think of you with others
I found depravity convinced me I may no longer care

Oh, it’s a bad, bad ritual
Oh, but it calms me down
Oh, it’s a bad, bad ritual
Oh, but it calms me down

How relevant

2011-12-23T00:35:00.000-08:00

"The more you take in, the more strength you find waiting to accomplish things and to expand your life instead of the other which is to look for structure and to fear change. We don't need revolutions provided we evolve, provided we are constantly open to new experiences, provided we are open to other human beings and what they have to give us."
- Anais Nin

Stay old fashioned with me.

2011-12-18T20:25:00.000-08:00

I am not such a clever one
About the latest fads
I admit I was never one
Adored by local lads

Not that I ever try to be a saint
I'm the type that they classify as quaint

I'm old fashioned
I love the moonlight
I love the old fashioned things

The sound of rain
Upon a window pane
The starry song that April sings

This year's fancies
Are passing fancies
But sighing sighs holding hands
These my heart understands

I know I'm old fashioned
But I don't mind it
That's how I want to be
As long as you agree
To stay old fashioned with me

I'm old fashioned
But I don't mind it
That's how I want to be
As long as you agree
To stay old fashioned with me

Oh won't you stay old fashioned with me
Oh please stay old fashioned with me

2:07 am

2011-12-06T10:07:00.000-08:00

I realise i should start to use this blog space again. I have so much time on my hands i might as well do something creative with it.
But right now, i am far too angry and annoyed at how little respect too many people have for me.
Going to go yell in a pillow.
Ok, seeya.

Career choice.

2011-06-29T06:45:00.000-07:00

It terrifies how hard i am going to have to work to be the best i can and get to where i want to get.
Where do i even begin?

What a difference, a day makes.

2011-04-27T06:28:00.000-07:00

New season new reason.

2011-04-24T18:54:00.001-07:00

At the end of this week i will be moving house once again with my boyfriend.
It is a nerve racking, scary and frustrating thing moving, but i am looking forward to it.
This last week has been one of the hardest weeks i have experienced this year but i have to keep moving and start/finish packing.

I am very particular when it comes to the environment i choose to live in. For a while it didn't seem successful that we would find somewhere to comply with my high standards.
I mean, the place only has to pass one question: Is it an old building and is it beautiful.
But within my price range, that is harder than you'd think.

But, we have found somewhere. It is an apartment block built in 1929 by an Italian specialist that moved to Perth to continue his career. It is big, old and beautiful. And only a small walk into the city.

As soon as i am settled i will take photos of everything. We have been very lucky to find some incredible pieces of furniture to fill the place with. Including an amazing 1940's club lounge suite.

So with that, i better begin packing.

Until the big day arrives.

Goodbye Sam.

2011-04-22T06:32:00.000-07:00

I found out at 5:00pm yesterday that a friend of mine had passed away that morning from a free boarding accident. It doesn't seem fair to take away such a great soul from this world. I am devastated.
Rest in peace Sam. You will always be missed.

Kindred spirits

2011-04-21T05:33:00.000-07:00

Night terrors.

2011-03-06T14:22:00.000-08:00

Over the last couple of days, i haven't been too well.
I am never "well" but specifically my health is not at it's best right now.
What seems to have come with feeling so unwell; is complete and utterly terrifying dreams.
At 4:38 this morning, i awoke to myself gasping for air and tears the size of coins rolling down my cheeks. I was so afraid that i was still asleep, and it took about half an hour for myself to completely come back to reality.
I do not wish to even recount the context for my dream, for the dream itself has left me with grave fear that in the unlikely chance it could become a reality.
My paranoia had exceeded to great heights, and everything seemed to just come across as some omen to the dream. All the reassurance that was being given to me just had the coating of a lie in my mind because i did not understand why I had just experienced what i did.

It is now 6:29 am, I finally thought it was safe to leave the side of my love and make myself some tea. Everything still seems too surreal and i have to keep touching him and everything to make sure i am actually awake. The lingering thought that i am just in another dream is paralysing me, but i have to battle these thoughts and be rational.

Despite the fact that really, This was just a terrible dream; i have a feeling this has majorly affected me, and i am possibly too scared to sleep for a while. I need to talk to someone about dreams, or anyone, and just have some sense talked into me. I care about my love so much, and the last thing i ever wanted to see whether it was in real life or in an imaginary world, was them being taken away from me. I don't even want to think about it, because it is still just too vivid in my head.

I have never been so scared of this world and what it beholds like i do right now.

In my mind.

2011-02-05T21:36:00.001-08:00

In my mind
In a future five years from now
I'm 120 pounds
And I never get hungover
Because I will be the picture of discipline
Never minding what state I'm in
And I will be someone I admire
And it's funny how I imagined that I would be that person now
But it does not seem to have happened
Maybe I've just forgotten how to see
That I'm not exactly the person that I thought I'd be

And in my mind
In the faraway here and now
I've become in control somehow
And I never lose my wallet
Because I will be the picture of discipline
Never f*cking up anything
And I'll be a good defensive driver
And it's funny how I imagined that I would be that person now
But it does not seem to have happened
Maybe I've just forgotten how to see
That I'll never be the person that I thought I'd be

And in my mind
When I'm old, I am beautiful
Planting tulips and vegetables
Which I will mindfully watch over
Not like me, now
I'm so busy with everything
That I don't look at anything
But I'm sure I'll look when I am older
And it's funny how I imagine that I could be that person now
But that's not what I want, if that's what I wanted then I'd be giving up somehow
How strange to see that I don't want to be the person that I want to be

And in my mind
I imagine so many things
Things that aren't really happening
And when they put me in the ground, I'll start pounding the lid
Saying "I haven't finished yet,
I still have a tattoo to get
That says 'I'm living in the moment'"
And it's funny how I imagined that I could win this winless fight
But maybe it isn't all that funny that I've been fighting all my life
But maybe I have to think it's funny if I wanna live before I die
And maybe it's funniest of all to think I'll die before I actually see
That I am exactly the person that I want to be

Fuck yes
I am exactly the person that I want to be

for god sake

2010-10-09T04:18:00.001-07:00

I AM RUINING EVERYTHING.

The Luckiest

2010-09-24T10:32:00.001-07:00

I don't get many things right the first time
In fact, I am told that a lot
Now I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls
Brought me here

And where was I before the day
That I first saw your lovely face?
Now I see it everyday
And I know

That I am
I am
I am
The luckiest

What if I'd been born fifty years before you
In a house on a street where you lived?
Maybe I'd be outside as you passed on your bike
Would I know?

And in a white sea of eyes
I see one pair that I recognize
And I know

That I am
I am
I am
The luckiest

I love you more than I have ever found a way to say to you

Next door there's an old man who lived to his nineties
And one day passed away in his sleep
And his wife; she stayed for a couple of days
And passed away

I'm sorry, I know that's a strange way to tell you that I know we belong
That I know

That I am
I am
I am
The luckiest

loneliness rushes in

2010-09-24T10:26:00.000-07:00

And i am in fear again to sleep,
in fear of everything that could be,
and in fear that i have no control.

These nights are the longest.

The Grumpy Co-Pilot

2010-09-24T04:12:00.000-07:00

Over the last couple of months, i have fallen into such a state of negativity.
People tell me i am anti-social and rude and begin to have the assumption that i don't like anyone.
Yet i still wonder why people don't want to be around me.
Figures.

I'm sorry i am this way. I do want to be happy.

Day after day, Chet after Chet

2010-09-21T09:20:00.000-07:00

Just Friends

2010-09-19T07:54:00.000-07:00

fact.

2010-08-28T11:26:00.000-07:00

I am in love with you.
Or, i am definitely falling in love with you.
And there is absolutely nothing i can do about it.

Salut.

Appreciation Society 1#

2010-08-27T10:40:00.001-07:00

"i can not stop hurting you,
i will break your heart in two.
Let it go
Let it go
Oh dear
Stop Killing yourself"

I really should listen to such wise and beautiful words from someone i know.

This someone that i speak of, i have not known for a very long time. I met them one evening when i was performing. From the second i saw them i knew that we were meant to know each other. I believe that happens in life. You are certainly meant to meet particular people. Sometimes that can be for the better or worse of things.
This person in particular is for the better.
I am inspired, uplifted and excited by the strong personality, passion and creativity that this soul possess. They have taught me somehow how to feel so much more about particular things. It is so refreshing to experience a new mindset.
They make me giggle especially, and feel bold. Almost invincible, almost.

I am very lucky to have such a special person in my life.
It is a beautiful thing, to experience like minded souls. I hope it is something anyone feels at least once.

So, as my first installment of my resolution:
This is dedicated to Andrew James Williams.

(this is in no particular order)

All is full of love.

2010-08-22T10:05:00.000-07:00

I am lost.
Yet again, i have experienced a death.
The only thing that i can take from this year, is a realisation. Life is too short to take for granted. before you know it, people slip from your lives and you don't know if you will never have the chance to let them know how much you appreciate them.
So i know i have to change things. I can no longer wait for things to happen, i have to make them happen. I will no longer hold back if i have something to say to someone that i hold close.
All the people that i get to share precious moments with, thank you. I love all of you. I would be absolutely nothing if it wasn't for the folk that i have to help me through trials and tribulations.
You might know it all already, but from now own i will continue to remind you.
I have certain things to say to certain people, and i will start on that list tomorrow.
It is too much of a risk to hold back in life. James Dean once said:
"Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today"
Amen.

Tomorrow

2010-08-07T20:25:00.000-07:00

I promise to stop loving you tomorrow
Today can be your last day in my arms again
I promise to stop thinking of you constantly
And wishing I could wake up every morning next to you
Darling yes its true
But today can we pretend it’s not too late
I promise to stop dreaming bout you
Promise to stop waiting for your calls
Cause I don’t want to care at all
But maybe just tonight we should forget about what’s right one last time
Because I promise to stop loving you tomorrow
Today will be your last day in my arms again
I promise to stop thinking of you constantly
And wishing I could wake up every morning next to you
Darling yes it’s true
But today can we pretend it’s not too late
Today can we pretend

Still.

2010-08-04T09:51:00.000-07:00

Non believer.

2010-07-28T06:19:00.000-07:00

I don't think anyone i know takes what i do seriously.
It isn't a nice thing to think but it seems to be true. Unless what i am doing is free, it ain't worth seeing.
Funny that.

Alright, i'll admit it.

2010-07-14T06:39:00.001-07:00

I want to get married
I want to live in my dream home
I want to watch you fix your car
I want to bake cakes
I want to set my hair in rollers and do the laundry
I want to go on holidays
I want to lie on the lounge and listen to the radio
I want to welcome you home at the end of the day, kiss you on the cheek, and walk with you inside.

I don't
want to be alone.

I have to drive

2010-07-12T19:52:00.000-07:00

I have my reasons, dear.
It's cold outside
I haven't slept in years.

I suffer mornings most of all
I feel so powerless and small
By ten o'clock I'm back in bed
fighting the jury in my head.

It seems all i can do now, is put on my face and do my hair and pretend.
Pretend that i am such a busy girl, with so many things to think of.
And that i am not thinking of you every day, every hour and every second that goes by.

fairytale

2010-07-10T13:34:00.001-07:00

Happiness doesn't exist.

All at sea

2010-07-06T07:00:00.001-07:00

It is easier to shut yourself off completely than talk to the people who are trying to help you.
I don't know what to do anymore. Please don't let me give up on this.

Bittersweet symphony

2010-07-04T05:46:00.000-07:00

I am in such a beautifully fucked situation right now.
I am constantly crushed by the hardship that is my feelings towards someone, that is intertwined with so many problems that surround us. But, i am not willing to give any of this up.
Why should I?
I watch how hard everything is to them, and it kills me. It's hard to step out of the natural selfish nature of us human beings and let things run their cause. I will be here for it all regardless.
I'm trying to tell myself that something so good can only be so bad.
"No light without dark" Is what my friend tells me.
It must be true, if i knew that there wasn't a light at the end of this tunnel, i wouldn't be here.
This is too good to throw away.
But fuck it's so hard.
This horrible, horrible and vicious cycle.

Noir Boudoir

2010-06-30T03:55:00.001-07:00

Vivian Marlowe.
Enter the Noir Boudoir.
Photo By James Wilson.

Life lessons

2010-06-27T05:40:00.000-07:00

Some things are worth fighting for.
Times have always been tough. Why does this generation believe that everything should be served to them on a silver platter?
I am willing to work for this. I know i haven't felt like this before, and i know it is worth keeping it alive.

Wagon Wheel

2010-06-09T07:19:00.000-07:00

Headed down south to the land of the pines
And I'm thumbin' my way into North Caroline
Starin' up the road
And pray to God I see headlights

I made it down the coast in seventeen hours
Pickin' me a bouquet of dogwood flowers
And I'm a hopin' for Raleigh
I can see my baby tonight

So rock me mama like a wagon wheel
Rock me mama anyway you feel
Hey mama rock me
Rock me mama like the wind and the rain
Rock me mama like a south-bound train
Hey mama rock me

Oh, the North country winters keep a gettin' me now
Lost my money playin' poker so I had to up and leave
But I ain't a turnin' back
To livin' that old life no more

So rock me mama like a wagon wheel
Rock me mama anyway you feel
Hey mama rock me
Rock me mama like the wind and the rain
Rock me mama like a south-bound train
Hey mama rock me

Walkin' to the south out of Roanoke
I caught a trucker out of Philly
Had a nice long toke
But he's a headed west from the Cumberland Gap
To Johnson City, Tennessee

And I gotta get a move on fit for the sun
I hear my baby callin' my name
And I know that she's the only one
And if I die in Raleigh
At least I will die free

So rock me mama like a wagon wheel
Rock me mama anyway you feel
Hey mama rock me
Rock me mama like the wind and the rain
Rock me mama like a south-bound train
Hey mama rock me.

It's been too long. So much is happening in my world and i have such little time to write about it these days. It is funny though, i seem to find myself on this old thing when i have a feeling of lack luster and nostalgia of not so distant times (which are growing farther away each day)

I woke up yesterday morning. I got up and put on a song that played as my alarm once, and curled back into bed. The gushing feeling of everything that has happened to me, is happening to me and will happen to me, hit me like a tonne of bricks. The worrying thing is though, i was not happy. Or perhaps it was too overwhelming.

Ah Overwhelming. That adjective seems to attach itself to my daily routine like feathers to honey. My body is a petty coward right now. I crumble under the pressure of physical exertion and emotional stress. The doctors tell me "Hypersensitivity" is all apart of my condition. I sure am tired of it. I want to be able to feel sheer emotion again and run as fast and as far as i like, without having to worry that i'll need to go to bed afterward because "i have done my time for the week" I don't want to feel tired anymore. And i most certainly do not want to worry anymore.

I will get better. I can't let this get the better of me. it's damn hard sometimes.

Same ol'

2010-05-18T05:46:00.000-07:00

I spend my days wondering.
What they actually think, what's actually going on.
Is it always going to be like this? Am I ever going to know what's happening with myself and people in my life?
Or do I have to continue to guess everything? Only to guess wrong most of the time.

Oh mama!

2010-05-08T22:12:00.001-07:00

Noir Boudoir

2010-05-05T07:12:00.001-07:00

Everything is Illuminated

2010-04-28T08:21:00.001-07:00

"He awoke each morning with the desire to do right, to be a good and meaningful person, to be, as simple as it sounded and as impossible as it actually was, happy. And during the course of each day his heart would descend from his chest into his stomach. By early afternoon he was overcome by the feeling that nothing was right, or nothing was right for him, and by the desire to be alone. By evening he was fulfilled: alone in the magnitude of his grief, alone in his aimless guilt, alone even in his loneliness. I am not sad, he would repeat to himself over and over, I am not sad. As if he might one day convince himself. Or fool himself. Or convince others--the only thing worse than being sad is for others to know that you are sad. I am not sad. I am not sad. Because his life had unlimited potential for happiness, insofar as it was an empty white room. He would fall asleep with his heart at the foot of his bed, like some domesticated animal that was no part of him at all. And each morning he would wake with it again in the cupboard of his rib cage, having become a little heavier, a little weaker, but still pumping. And by the midafternoon he was again overcome with the desire to be somewhere else, someone else, someone else somewhere else. I am not sad."

Relentlessly restless

2010-04-27T09:53:00.000-07:00

I am leaving this harbour
Giving urban a farewell
Its habitants seem to keen on God
I cannot stomach their rights and wrongs

I have lost my origin
And I don't want to find it again
Whether sailing into nature's laws
And be held by ocean's paws

Wanderlust! relentlessly craving
Wanderlust! peel off the layers
Until we get to the core

Did I imagine it would be like this?
Was it something like this I wished for?
Or will I want more?

Lust for comfort
Suffocates the soul
Relentless restlessness
Liberates me (sets me free)

I feel at home
Whenever the unknown surrounds me
I receive its embrace
Aboard my floating house

Wanderlust! relentlessly craving
Wanderlust! peel off the layers
Until we get to the core

Did I imagine it would be like this?
Was it something like this I wished for?
Or will I want more?

Wanderlust! from island to island
Wanderlust! united in movement
Wonderful! I'm joined with you

Wanderlust!

Can you spot a pattern?

(relentlessly restless)

Please, not again.

2010-04-26T09:32:00.000-07:00

Why is this happening again?
I'm in too deep now.
I don't know how to stop feeling like this and no one is around that i can ask for help.
I can't stop crying and twitching. I'm so scared of absolutely nothing.
I found a cat who had been hit by a car and left on the side of the road this evening, he was still alive. We took him to the veterinary hospital but i don't know if he will live.. This has not helped what is happening to me right now.
Then again, i felt like this last night too. But i was out so i simply couldn't do anything but stand there.
Why is this happening? I just want to feel normal. I just want to sleep and wake up feeling alright.

The 19th of Feb. 11:18 pm

2010-04-19T08:16:00.000-07:00

"You are the rare treat, found only inside the rare box you find under the stairs that your grandmother left years ago when she was young... full of all her special things... like old photos, her favourite special rings, the locket you remember seeing around her neck in photos your mum has of her, that box... your inside one of those. and that's Awesome.
If i think that after a combined 20mins of conversation spread out over months... then think what everyone else must think."

This hit me hard. I believe that some things are said to a person that they will never forget.
This is one of them.

Thank you so much, really.

i digress

2010-04-15T07:07:00.000-07:00

I fall in love too easily
I fall in love too fast
I fall in love too terribly hard
For love to ever last

My heart should be well-schooled
'Cause I've been FOOLED in the past
And still I fall in love too easily
I fall in love too fast

Have to drive.

2010-04-11T08:26:00.000-07:00

I suffer mornings most of all

I feel so powerless and small

By ten o'clock i'm back in bed

Fighting the jury in my head

Spoilt rotten

2010-04-10T03:04:00.000-07:00

Today i was awoken with a kiss,
Chet playing in the background
And Eggs Benedict on the table.
Now that, is how a Saturday morning should always be.

Ray Ceaser, I love you.

2010-04-07T08:21:00.001-07:00

Do yourself a favour.
A pleasure for the eyes!

http://www.raycaesar.com/work

Oh Imelda May!

2010-04-07T03:29:00.000-07:00

Last night i was fortunate enough to experience the greatness that is Imelda May.
I didn't actually know she was even coming until last Saturday so i was pretty lucky to grab myself a ticket and head down to the Flyby Night club in Fremantle.
There was a lot of friendly faces that i knew and we were all very eager to see what Imelda had install for us.
I gotta admit, i didn't really like the support band. I thought it was a little strange to have someone support who's genre was totally different to the main act to the point where you would expect a lot of people not to enjoy it, but oh well. They weren't bad, just not my cup of tea.

But then there she was, in all her glory. It's the first time i have seen Imelda May live and i am still utterly amazed. She was incredible. So clean and so bad ass! I was lucky enough to grab a dance with a swell guy and then twisted the rest of the gig away with my lovely friends.

Dublin born Imelda has a real Rhythm and blues kind of sound to her. Touching on rockabilly from time to time. Her voice is incredibly powerful and totally sexy. I can happily say i was swoonin' over her for most of the gig. One song in particular she did was beautiful. She told us a story about how she knew a woman who had been happily married ever since she was 16. who talked to her husband every single day despite the fact he had died a couple of years ago. Saying that even though no one could see him, perhaps he really was there. This tied into the next song called Knock 1 23. It tells of someone secretly meeting with their lover and being engrossed in their love. It was magical! the trumpet simply made me melt.

She had us swinging away for a little bit more then finished with a brilliant cover of My Baby Left Me and Tainted Love. If it wasn't for the the huge amount of energy that her and her band were expelling i think the whole crowd would have been dead from dancing so much.

I really hope to see her again some time. It is so refreshing to see real talent and entertainment. You can never get enough of rhythm and blues!

I'm afraid to say

2010-04-05T12:47:00.000-07:00

I have experienced sides of me over the last few months that i do not like at all.
moments where i cannot control how i move, feel or react to a situation. I'm usually paralysed so to speak and overwhelmingly upset. And by these moments it's usually a situation where i am incredibly exposed and a lot is happening to myself.
It is terrifying. Only a few have witnessed it and i can't give any explanation to them afterwards, only saying "I'm so sorry" over and over again.
I wish i could fix it. But i really don't know how.

I know i am sick. And i know that sometimes i can not get out of bed for a few days. When this "turn" happens, i am straight back into bed. I don't have the energy to face the day. It goes away eventually.

I am very afraid to say though, that i am beginning to think that the only way i can over come this is if i go through it alone. I know a lot of people would think that would be the worst idea, but i just don't know. At least if these weird, freak outs occur on my own, i can just sort it out and not have to go through the embarrassing aftermath of apologising for being crazy. At the same time, i don't want to give up what i have with someone just for something like this.

I really don't know what to do. I have told doctors and all they say is to just take it easy and ingest said drugs. I'm over it. I'm over being tired and feeling sick and being afraid to be totally and utterly open and comfortable with someone just in case i turn.

I hope they understand why i feel like this.

Oh my goodness

2010-04-04T10:28:00.000-07:00

I am totally in love and obsessed with this song.
I can not for the life of me get it out of my head!

waking hour

2010-04-02T12:23:00.000-07:00

I miss the smell of the rain
The smell of nostalgia
The smell of my bed
The smell of my cupboard, and it's small drawers where i would hide my pay.
The smell of raisin toast when i'd come home.
The smell of real food.
The smell of the students downstairs, wafting into the bathroom.
The smell of the sea.

I miss the feeling of the cold morning seeping through the cracks of my window
The feeling of new sheets
The feeling of ever changing weather on my skin
The feeling of fur
The feeling of hard times and simple pleasures
The feeling of happiness
The feeling of wholeness
The feeling of excitement
The feeling of it all falling into place.

I miss everything.

Please, go away.

2010-03-29T21:38:00.000-07:00

I can't handle seeing you anymore.
Don't come up to me and touch me. It's not fair.
I don't want to see what you're thinking, or what you're doing.
I was too civil about the whole thing, so now it is too hard to face you.
Please, just got away.
I never wanted it to be like this.

The Red Shoes

2010-03-29T07:20:00.000-07:00

I may have written about this before, but oh well i don't care.
My Grandmother showed me this film when i was 4, and ever since i have thought it was the most magical, terrifying and beautiful thing i have ever seen. The shop-keeper will always be the scariest/most intriguing man on earth.
Every scene in this movie is amazing. the Ballet scenes themselves were so ahead of their times and flawless. It is highly recognised for intergrating the common trivialities that a ballet dancer would face, and the stage performance itself.
God, and the costumes! incredible!
i always loved a particular scene in the ballet performance where Robert Helpmann is somewhat a man made from newspaper.
If you don't respect the beauty of Ballet then you are a fool. It is one of the most exquisite forms of artistic expression that will ever exist. So really, it is your loss.
Perhaps watch this film or if you are lucky enough, go see the Ballet itself and maybe your views will change!

P.S i think i have always had a crush on Robert Helpmann.

Something happened.

2010-03-28T22:32:00.000-07:00

Sunday has just passed.
I partook in the next installment of Varietease. This event was to raise money for a very worthy organisation that raises money for women in war torn countries to well, basically live a life they deserve.
At first i believed that i almost shouldn't have been apart of this event. Being so young it almost made me feel that i have yet to understand the power and understanding that went into the statements that were intending to be sent across to viewers.
A talented woman named Hannah Morgaine gave a speech closer to the end of the show. Her speech reminded me of the importance of what myself and other woman were doing that day. Her words were powerful and eye opening, and i can proudly say that i was one of the women she was speaking for on behalf.

I did my act. I was not proud of it but i did it. I guess i will leave it at that.
By the end of the show all i cared about was what i had witnessed in Iskra Valentine's Performance.
Iskra was born and grew up in Pakistan until she moved to Australia in 2003. Her performance was about Honor killings that Occur in Pakistan and to acknowledge and protest against these barbaric acts of violence against women.
Never doubting the talent that Iskra possesses, i knew that i was in for something good anyway.
But i will say this,
I have never, ever been so incredibly moved in my life. To the point where the only thing i could do was clap as the tears swelled in my eyes. I am still speechless. Perhaps when i finally can gather the words to explain just how important and powerful her performance was, i will repost this blog.

I don't think i can say anything else, besides that i know some incredible, incredible women; and that there is so much we can do in this world. Thank you.

http://www.thedollrag.com/2010/03/la-roux-mental-illness-and-leaving-no.html

It's just the way it is

2010-03-26T09:12:00.000-07:00

I can't help feeling the way i do some days.
It is not mind over matter. It's just the way it is.
I am not choosing to be this way. There is nothing i can do.
I don't know why some people can't understand this.

I'd rather have a paper doll that i can call my own

2010-03-21T05:38:00.000-07:00

Varietease III Fuck Forever.
Vivian Marlowe- The Love Me or Die

A slight change in the weather.

2010-03-18T12:27:00.000-07:00

In these last two days i have noticed little things about myself.
I have changed, just a little though.
I decided to quit my current job. It was only making me more ill than i am already.
That is not the only decision i have made in these last couple of days. Some, seem to have just happened without me knowing, i like that.
I'm taking more time to do my hair in the morning, that is a sign for me. A sign that tells me that i slowly, very slowly, being my old self again. I am caring again.
I wake up early and i make myself breakfast, i sit and eat it in my solitude. I spend evenings on my own. I am feeling comfortable in my old skin again.

Yesterday i came home in the early evening to find that i received a letter from my gorgeous friend. I was aware she was sending me a selection of music, but found a lot more than just that. She had written beautiful words that as i read down, brought tears to my eyes. I was reminded of how lucky i am to have such a grand friendship, and should never forget that.

It also made me realise how much i do really need to get my act together.Knowing that i have such a wonderful friendship waiting for me only encourages me to do so. Same goes for the need to make it to another part of the world as soon as i can for another incredible person i know. Friends are so ever important.

I feel just from slipping on a good pair of hose today, i know that i am back on my horse.

Sure, all these things may seem like such small little steps, but that is what my beautiful friend said to me. Small steps are very important, and i believe she is right.

Oh miss Marlowe, you feel so old but not very wise.

The promise land

2010-03-16T20:28:00.000-07:00

Taken by a beautiful friend of mine. Soon, i continue to tell myself. Soon.

Last night I was in heaven

2010-03-13T01:33:00.000-08:00

I saw my old gypsies. I was surrounded by people I love and missed. We sat in my old favourite place, drank and conversed. I was home. It was bliss.

And then I woke up.

stirred emotions

2010-03-06T02:35:00.000-08:00

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you.
Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend.
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood.
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good.
And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for.
But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share
And none of it seems to matter anymore.
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a bird in the wood
Who can say if I've been
Changed for the better?
I do believe I have been
Changed for the better
And because I knew you.
I have been changed for good.

I miss you.

If I didn't care

2010-03-03T23:05:00.000-08:00

If I didn't care more than words can say
If I didn't care would I feel this way?
If this isn't love then why do I thrill?
And what makes my head go 'round and 'round
While my heart stands still?

If I didn't care would it be the same?
Would my ev'ry prayer begin and end with just your name?
And would I be sure that this is love beyond compare?
Would all this be true if I didn't care for you?

a collection of memories

2010-03-02T17:57:00.000-08:00

http://www.tristandavies.com/siahneroom.htm

I remember once,

2010-03-02T08:26:00.000-08:00

I was sitting in my old house in Fremantle, playing with a doll on the floor in the lounge room.
My mum came and sat beside me and told me how she loved playing with dolls when she was young. She then said "I wish i never had grown up"
I was suddenly saddened by what she said. I remember it distinctly.

I now understand exactly how she felt when she said that, and i couldn't agree more.
I don't think i want to play this game anymore.

When i think about it.

2010-03-02T07:17:00.001-08:00

i don't think i can do this.
I need to stay focused.
But you thrill me.
I have plans.
I said i wouldn't.
But you excite me right down to my bones.

My dearest Jon,

2010-03-02T02:30:00.000-08:00

This is the same post from a while back. i just needed to change the title. There is no need to pretend that i don't want them to know it's for them. I'm not asking for attention in this sense, i just need to do this for myself.
Written on the 2nd of Feb 2010.
I thought i could handle what was going on. But in all honesty i am wrong.
Every time i see you, the feeling in the pit of my stomach is unbearable.
When i see you with her, i am furious and so hurt at the same time. All i want is to spend time with you again but she's stuck onto you like a leech.
Surely you know that she is taking advantage of you. I know you do. You just don't seem to care.
It's not fair. That's what i am constantly telling myself. It's not fair that i was brushed off like some fallen leaf simply because what was happening couldn't continue. Only to find out that you had an understudy waiting in the wings anyway.
You say to me that it is hard for you too, that i do not understand. While you sleep with someone else for your own simple gain of filling a unnecessary need, do you still think that this is difficult for you as well?
Or have i been played for a fool again?
You make me so angry, that i decided to give one More chance to this society that i have to be apart of, only to have this happen to me.
I want to be your friend. But you make it too hard. You tell me that she means nothing. I don't believe you anymore.
I don't want to have to worry that when i see you she will be there. I want to scream when she is, and has the to nerve just to walk off in the distance. Or to even sit down!
I deserve better than to have a friendship based on such ridiculous terms.
Friendship, there it is again.
That's all i ask of you.
Why is it that everyone around me is so self absorbed, that sex overrules everything?
I told you today that i don't think you have the time to be my friend anymore.
I wish i wasn't right.

This, is what has taken so much precious time from me in the last few months.
And so i say it again. No more.

I leave soon, i won't forget about you.
And i doubt i'll forget about this.

Jetsetter

2010-02-28T03:37:00.000-08:00

These last couple of days i have spent away in Sydney.
This city is the probably the last place anyone would expect me to be, and i would agree. I did not choose to come here.
I think i can safely say that Sydney is my least favourite place to be, and it is killing me to know that i can head to the train station now and be in the one, beautiful place where my heart lies.
It's so cold here. I feel no amazing atmosphere what so ever. Sure, there are some beautiful buildings, but where are the beautiful people?
Although today, i saw Wicked for the third time. That indeed brought tears of joy to my eyes.
Being here has made me realise more and more where i want to be, and what i want to be doing.
Emerald city, i miss you and will be in your warm arms soon.
I hope.

Shot

2010-02-22T21:33:00.000-08:00

http://gingerfoxvintage.blogspot.com/2010/02/splashes-of-colour-in-perth-city.html

Life in film

2010-02-18T03:28:00.000-08:00

" You've forgotten one thing - me."
"What's wrong with you?"
"Nothing you can't fix"

You're playing with fire.

2010-02-16T23:51:00.000-08:00

I like that, I'd like more.

Les Girls

2010-02-13T00:33:00.001-08:00

Curtains, stand by.

2010-02-11T07:17:00.000-08:00

Ladies and Gentlemen!
Sly dogs and Rough dames!
Hep cats and swingin’ gals!
I ask you to come with me, Down to dirty back streets of New Orleans in old 19 dickety boo. Where lust and caution is in the air. This! is where, ladies and gentlemen; We meet our Lovely, scrumptious mesmerising Miss Vivian Marlowe.
Now I tell you this. There once was a traveller, who fell hopelessly in love with dear Marlowe! But she wouldn’t have any of it. So what does a mysterious traveller do if he does not get his way, you may be asking?
HODOO! MY FRIENDS!
And well let’s just say, one must be careful with what they wish for.
Ah love, it is amazing what lengths a man will go for it. Perhaps even, Death?
SO!I ask you, to draw close! Loosen your ties and lick your lips. Prepare to howl and moan!
It gives me too much pleasure, to introduce to you..
Miss Marlowe in:
THE LOVE ME OR DIE.

New Season, New Reason.

2010-02-09T08:44:00.001-08:00

A slight change has been made to my identity.
I am not who i was before, there for i no longer go by my old name.
There is a new gal in town.

For you.

2010-02-09T08:23:00.000-08:00

There are places I'll remember
All my life, though some have changed
Some forever, not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places had their moments
With lovers and friends, I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life, I've loved them all

But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life, I'll love you more

Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life, I'll love you more

You sly dogs.

2010-02-07T02:36:00.000-08:00

I have no respect for you anymore.
I don't trust you anymore.
2010, hurry the fuck up and begin.
The light at the end of the tunnel is not in this city, and there is no chance in hell that i am stickin' around much longer.
Thank you people of Perth* for wasting my precious time, money and love.
It's over.

From now on

2010-01-26T10:06:00.000-08:00

The only thing i will fall for is beautiful old buildings and jazz from times before me. Then my heart cannot be broken.

Confess

2010-01-24T19:52:00.000-08:00

"I work at a local and when no one is watching, i tear out pagees from the books. I don't know why."

Soon to come

2010-01-23T00:59:00.000-08:00

With my first pay, i will buy my self a harmonica. Preferably in a minor key.
This is how i resolve all my problems from then on.

The illusions of happiness

2010-01-19T08:39:00.000-08:00

The grope of your skin
The pull of your hair
To not know your name

The sniff of the line
The smoke in the air
It always ends the same

The feeling of ecstasy
The time that slows down
You think you're ahead of the game

These are the illusions of happiness

Wanted:

2010-01-18T18:22:00.001-08:00

This is it.

2010-01-18T08:38:00.000-08:00

Every once in a while, we come across someone who is truly beautiful.
They should be treated like a collectable.
You look, but you don't touch.
All you will do is tarnish or break what you have.

I have done this.
Now what i had is on a high shelf so i can't go near it again.
I tarnish everything that i touch.

I do not know what to say

2010-01-13T04:56:00.000-08:00

I'm not well.
I guess i will write something when something actually happens in my life.
Falling for someone is possibly one of the worst things in the world.

I love Miss Loveland.

2009-12-30T21:18:00.000-08:00

siahne: "excuse maam i wants to put my unemployment form in please.."
"well hold on a minute miss!now, it says here that you ain't work for 3 weeks!"
siahne:"that's right.."
"ain't it about time you got yaself a job?"
siahne: "i'm lookin' for a job right now!"
"looking for a job and prayin' you're gunna move to melbourne!no...w you tell me what the last thing you done now"
siahne: "the last one..i used to get up in the morningggggg...go to work in real estate.anddd when i was a secretaryyyyy..the computers drove me to hate!!"

This still makes me giggle. I didn't think i could be mashed with C.W but there it is.

I love Roxy Loveland

Come, feast your eyes upon this wonder.

2009-12-30T03:22:00.000-08:00

I have a dear friend who is a very, very talented young man.
Billy Reeves is his name.
And you should all look at just how amazing he is.
http://eyeseewell.deviantart.com/

Well atleast i have my health, oh wait.

2009-12-26T03:19:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas.
Hope you all had a swell time.

My Christmas was slow and relaxed. i prefer it that way.
Yet, i still felt like i couldn't keep up with everyone. I was finding it very hard to make conversation so instead i sat and listened to everyone else. I didn't think much of my state until later in the evening when i had a nervous breakdown. It is the second time this year that it has happened to me, and i hate every second.

I can't explain why it happens and i can't tell when it is going to happen; instead i wait until it's finally all over and say my one hundred apologies to the sucker that had to witness it.

I am usually quite a strong person, not many folk see me with my guard down. But this is definitely an occasion where someone can see how hopeless i am, i hate it.
I do not want people to see me as fragile and this does exactly that. At the same time, i try not to let moments like these get the better of me so hopefully that is some kind of consolation.

I feel ridiculous, not being able to control my own actions. I am at war with my body, and it is winning. I know how to fix this, but i don't have the chance at the moment.

Help.

2009-12-21T08:58:00.000-08:00

Hello insomnia, it's been a while.
I am once again immersed in worry and paranoia.
I am not well, and i not it, but i don't want a doctor to confirm it.
Things keep happening to me that make me question everything i do. The only thing i am certain of these days is where i want to be going. Next thing you know, i meet someone amazing or something happens and i am thrown back into the vicious river that is uncertainty. crashing into tribulations that make everything else seem different.
Then paranoia comes in and the sleeping ceases to exist.

I am afraid of things going wrong, to the point where i play everything too safe and i have to be one hundred percent sure that it will go right. People would disagree, due to the fact i risked a lot and ran off to live in another city, but that was simply me running to avoid things going wrong here.

Life really could be beautiful for me at the moment, but i am too scared to let it run its course.

If i continue to be like this, i am going to very very lonely. Now all i need to do is actually say this to someone.

Straighten up and fly right, Miss Fox

I find it very hard to believe

2009-12-13T23:31:00.001-08:00

That even now when i hear that song, it makes me think of you.
And then all of a sudden i am as hurt as the day it all happened.
You haven't left my thoughts, but i wish you would.

Que Sera Sera

2009-12-13T10:38:00.000-08:00

I am terribly confused at the moment.
Things have occurred which have thrown me into a state of not knowing what to think. This doesn't usually happen to me, causing me to be confused even more.
I experienced something over the last two days which made me act out of character. But not in a bad way.
it's moments like these that have made me consider that perhaps i need to take life a lot more as it comes, rather than following everything according to plan.
For instance, i have a decision to make; that being if i want to take a leap of faith into someone, and something. But i can't seem to find even a bone in me that trusts more than a few people. I don't want to be hurt anymore so instead i closed things out of my life so that i wouldn't.
But now this comes along, tempting me, and the taste is too sweet.
I just don't know what i want.

Simply everything.

2009-12-13T10:17:00.000-08:00

I make a date for golf, and you can bet your life it rains.

I try to give a party, and the guy upstairs complains.

I guess I'll go through life, just catching colds and missing trains.

Everything happens to me.

I never miss a thing. I've had the measles and the mumps.

And every time I play an ace, my partner always trumps.

I guess I'm just a fool, who never looks before he jumps.

Everything happens to me.

At first, my heart thought you could break this jinx for me.

That love would turn the trick to end despair.

But now I just can't fool this head that thinks for me.

I've mortgaged all my castles in the air.

I've telegraphed and phoned and sent an air mail special too.

Your answer was goodbye and there was even postage due.

I fell in love just once, and then it had to be with you.

Everything happens to me.

I've telegraphed and phoned. I sent an air mail special too.

Your answer was goodbye and there was even postage due.

I fell in love just once, and then it had to be with you.

Everything happens to me.

It's true

2009-12-10T05:56:00.001-08:00

http://thefuckingwordoftheday.com/