That i still shouldn't share. No where is really private anymore.
But i think i can give a hint..to myself really. It might make me feel a little lighter.
I'm jealous of someone. Sure that sounds like nothing. But i am jealous because someone gets to experience something that i desire and can't experience myself. It wouldn't be right nor would it end well. I have to question myself though if i am jealous simply because i am a by-stander when i see this particular person doing what i want?
So maybe i don't really want to at all? Say if i were to have the chance to experience said desire, would i even want it then? Or is it i just want it because i can't have it.
Forbidden fruit.
We always want what we can't have. Yet how can we know that until we try to grab for the forbidden fruit? Will it break off the branch and land in our hands, clasping it up to our lips to get just that little taste. Or, will we be struck down by our conscience, telling us that we knew we couldn't and why must we never do as we are told? leaving the fruit still on it's branch, taunting us yet again.
But then again, i don't think i should even attempt this. Going back to what i was saying. Hopefully this crave to do so dies down. So much for living on the edge.
I begin to wonder that all of this is coming from me being very lonely at the moment. I am definitely very alone right now. I am not surrounded by things that make me feel welcome nor nurtured. I constantly crave physical affection, mental stimulation, experiencing beauty and passion. Regardless if all these things came together or separately. This could also be a good thing. It will make me appreciate and notice the wonders more when they do come along.
For instance, just by saying that i have a nice feeling of closure sitting here drinking my tea and looking at the trinkets i have picked up along my journey here. It's nice. But then really, we all know what I'm getting to.
These are the ramblings of a person in need of someone to share their passion.
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we are all alone in one way or another, we all desire something, we all have some goals, some objectives, some may be more trivial than others and some may just be the beginning of the most important things in our life.
ReplyDeletethe funny thing about loneliness is that if you're alone for long enough, you learn to find some peace in it all, and you put it in the back of your head: that feeling of needing something, needing some sort of genuine recognition from someone else, that needing of some sort of validation, that needing of affection, of knowing that someone is there to ask you how your day was, and always willing to give you a hug or some sort of comfort. all that just seems to fall and crumble away, until hopefully you find someone that will try and pick up the pieces for you.
Hmm, well said.
ReplyDeleteThank you.
Wise words from 'Boris'.
ReplyDeleteAnd Siahne, you are a wonderful, wonderful lady. One day, some blessed man will have you & you will be his entire universe.
That's a very nice thing to say Shi :)
ReplyDeleteAlthough i don't really mind if it's a man, woman, cat, rabbit or the very persistent possum that lives in my ceiling.. Although physical affection from a possum wouldn't be my preferable choice, in that circumstance a man :)