Well atleast i have my health, oh wait.

Merry Christmas.
Hope you all had a swell time.

My Christmas was slow and relaxed. i prefer it that way.
Yet, i still felt like i couldn't keep up with everyone. I was finding it very hard to make conversation so instead i sat and listened to everyone else. I didn't think much of my state until later in the evening when i had a nervous breakdown. It is the second time this year that it has happened to me, and i hate every second.

I can't explain why it happens and i can't tell when it is going to happen; instead i wait until it's finally all over and say my one hundred apologies to the sucker that had to witness it.

I am usually quite a strong person, not many folk see me with my guard down. But this is definitely an occasion where someone can see how hopeless i am, i hate it.
I do not want people to see me as fragile and this does exactly that. At the same time, i try not to let moments like these get the better of me so hopefully that is some kind of consolation.

I feel ridiculous, not being able to control my own actions. I am at war with my body, and it is winning. I know how to fix this, but i don't have the chance at the moment.