Over the last couple of days, i haven't been too well.
I am never "well" but specifically my health is not at it's best right now.
What seems to have come with feeling so unwell; is complete and utterly terrifying dreams.
At 4:38 this morning, i awoke to myself gasping for air and tears the size of coins rolling down my cheeks. I was so afraid that i was still asleep, and it took about half an hour for myself to completely come back to reality.
I do not wish to even recount the context for my dream, for the dream itself has left me with grave fear that in the unlikely chance it could become a reality.
My paranoia had exceeded to great heights, and everything seemed to just come across as some omen to the dream. All the reassurance that was being given to me just had the coating of a lie in my mind because i did not understand why I had just experienced what i did.
It is now 6:29 am, I finally thought it was safe to leave the side of my love and make myself some tea. Everything still seems too surreal and i have to keep touching him and everything to make sure i am actually awake. The lingering thought that i am just in another dream is paralysing me, but i have to battle these thoughts and be rational.
Despite the fact that really, This was just a terrible dream; i have a feeling this has majorly affected me, and i am possibly too scared to sleep for a while. I need to talk to someone about dreams, or anyone, and just have some sense talked into me. I care about my love so much, and the last thing i ever wanted to see whether it was in real life or in an imaginary world, was them being taken away from me. I don't even want to think about it, because it is still just too vivid in my head.
I have never been so scared of this world and what it beholds like i do right now.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
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