Non believer.

I don't think anyone i know takes what i do seriously.
It isn't a nice thing to think but it seems to be true. Unless what i am doing is free, it ain't worth seeing.
Funny that.

Alright, i'll admit it.

I want to get married
I want to live in my dream home
I want to watch you fix your car
I want to bake cakes
I want to set my hair in rollers and do the laundry
I want to go on holidays
I want to lie on the lounge and listen to the radio
I want to welcome you home at the end of the day, kiss you on the cheek, and walk with you inside.

I don't
want to be alone.

I have to drive

I have my reasons, dear.
It's cold outside
I haven't slept in years.

I suffer mornings most of all
I feel so powerless and small
By ten o'clock I'm back in bed
fighting the jury in my head.



It seems all i can do now, is put on my face and do my hair and pretend.
Pretend that i am such a busy girl, with so many things to think of.
And that i am not thinking of you every day, every hour and every second that goes by.

fairytale

Happiness doesn't exist.

All at sea

It is easier to shut yourself off completely than talk to the people who are trying to help you.
I don't know what to do anymore. Please don't let me give up on this.

Bittersweet symphony

I am in such a beautifully fucked situation right now.
I am constantly crushed by the hardship that is my feelings towards someone, that is intertwined with so many problems that surround us. But, i am not willing to give any of this up.
Why should I?
I watch how hard everything is to them, and it kills me. It's hard to step out of the natural selfish nature of us human beings and let things run their cause. I will be here for it all regardless.
I'm trying to tell myself that something so good can only be so bad.
"No light without dark" Is what my friend tells me.
It must be true, if i knew that there wasn't a light at the end of this tunnel, i wouldn't be here.
This is too good to throw away.
But fuck it's so hard.
This horrible, horrible and vicious cycle.