Some one please, please give me some tap shoes.

I think it really would solve my problems.

I'm so tired. I'm too tired.

I'm so tired of being alone.
Of not knowing anyone who shares the same things as me.
I'm so tired of being rejected and ignored.
I'm too tired to try and too tired to pretend.
Surely there is some one out there who feels as out of place in this time frame as i.
If you do exsist, let me know. Can we be friends?

I didn't really do anything today.
I sat in a cafe and read The Great Gatsby again, and i bought new paint and brushes.
I cooked apricot chicken for dinner too, it was delicious. And now i am just sitting in my room painting a woman in green.

I have to get up early tomorrow for a change.

There's no place like home. There's no place like home.

I am getting so bored of myself.
This is the 4th night i have sat at home doing absolutely nothing.
Give me something to do!! Where are all the passionate folk i need to talk to? You can't all be that busy.
I am buying knitting needles tomorrow and picking up my old habbit. Might as well do something with all this empty time.

Hypocritical

You're a coward. And it infuriates me. You will not face what you have started.
But so am i. I won't move forward or take a tempted risk.
We're all cowardice though, we all have a certain thing we don't dare to go for. And it's pathetic. why do we waste so much time? waiting or just not doing anything at all.
I have been sitting here exchanging words with someone just going on in my head as to why they won't just be honest with me. I know it's because they don't want to face the consequences but for fuck sake, i can't just hang on and wait.
But really, i have no right to be angry. I am behaving in the same manner. I string people along because i am too scared to face change.
I hate the person i am at the moment, and i am not happy with the path i and my generation is taking. We waste so much time doing things we don't like and pretending to be someone we are not. And for what reason? Because its easier that way? or because we are too scared to just live. We are forced to feel that if we live life for pleasure, that it is a bad thing. Life is too short.

It's funny how i am saying this all.

Run rabbit run rabbit run run run.

I am sick again.
So I'm spending my hours drinking gallons of water, eating cracker biscuits and listening to jazz.
And at the moment watching Antiques roadshow. Makes me feel like I'm home again.

Although i did stumble over this, Absolutely amazing sculptures.

http://kuksi.com/

Back to cracker eating antiques watching boringness.

Toora.

She is the new thing.

Lip up Fatty!

Reggae at 3:40 in the morning.
No rest for the wicked i say.
Although i should sleep soon.

You.

I'm sick of pouring my heart into you.
I don't know why now i am still trying.
Just have the guts to say what has to be said. Then go on your way so i can stop wondering if there is any slight chance left at all and finally get some sleep.

One for the road.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/toujours_pur/3035208938/in/set-72157603968425569/

Until we meet again

We wish to inform you that the lady herself is not available at the moment. Due to personal reasons, she is unable to explain. We hope that she has a speedy recovery and returns to grace the stage once again very soon.

Yours sincerely,

Management.

Easily one of my favourites.

http://etext.virginia.edu/etcbin/toccer-new2?id=PotWink.sgm&images=images/modeng&data=/texts/english/modeng/parsed&tag=public&part=1&division=div1

The movement of the body

Is such a beautiful thing.
I mean, i knew that already. But i realised it again this evening. I sat on my bed with the lamp on the floor, casting a my shadow onto the wall. And there i sat for about two and a half hours, watching the movement of my hands and arms and body to the sounds of overtures. It was so strangely mesmerising and entertaining. You get to the point where you move so smoothly because you are moving to the exact decibel of every note. It's almost delicious it looks so amazing. I sound ridiculous right now but i guess I'm just in a good mood for a change. I suggest anyone to do it though. Or at least watch someone, and i mean really watch them. Go see a ballet even! They spend hours perfecting the movement of each bone and muscle to sound that they become a visual imagery of music. It is truly beautiful.

Ha, listen to me.

I didn't do much today, nor this evening. I sat in the botanical gardens with Austin and Drage. I bought a sailor hat. I found Tristan, drank mulled wine. Then i was alone again.

That feeling bothers me the most at the moment, I'm constantly trying to be around people or doing something because i don't want to catch myself realising again that i am on my own. It's not very nice. So I'm going to stop talking about it.

Tomorrow is another day.

ch ch ch changes

I got a hair cut.
I think it was just because i was bored and sick.
But i like it.
I went in asking for a "Louise brooks box bob" and they had no idea.
And when they asked me what music i liked and i said "Rockabilly is my kind of thing" They also had no idea. Ahh, hairdressers.

But they did a perfect job :)

Oh and i am now unemployed, because the word is filled with fucking cold and pathetic people and my boss was one of them when i tried to explain to her that i was unbelievably ill and couldn't possibly show up for work. It would've been my first day off and instead, i was fired.
Oh well, one door closes another one opens right?
right?

I can't win.

I never do. Everything always seems like it's all going so well but it is never actually the case.
I don't think i'm going to try anymore. It's too hard.

angry sad angry sad angry sad angry sad angry sad angry sad angry sad angry sad.

I've seen it all.

Hello.

It is 11 pm and i am sitting on the floor in the lounge room of this old place.
There are quadrilateral marks on the wall where photos once were. Photos of a family i think. A family of one child, who spent many evenings sitting here with his mother and father playing. A family who all sat together that night as they were told by a strange machine "hello this is television". A family who had more downs than ups, Who in the end never agreed on anything. Who redecorated their kitchen orange. Who caught their son kissing the girl next door with "I wanna hold your hand" in the background, and watched him move away. Then grew old together. Never, ever moving the pictures from the wall. Until their great grandson packed them away when the house was sold and nothing is left behind. Except for the quadrilateral shadows of memories on the wall.

Well, at least that's what i think.


Time is moving slow for me, and i'm still someone else at the moment. Not sure who but i don't really like them.