for god sake

I AM RUINING EVERYTHING.

The Luckiest

I don't get many things right the first time
In fact, I am told that a lot
Now I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls
Brought me here

And where was I before the day
That I first saw your lovely face?
Now I see it everyday
And I know

That I am
I am
I am
The luckiest

What if I'd been born fifty years before you
In a house on a street where you lived?
Maybe I'd be outside as you passed on your bike
Would I know?

And in a white sea of eyes
I see one pair that I recognize
And I know

That I am
I am
I am
The luckiest

I love you more than I have ever found a way to say to you

Next door there's an old man who lived to his nineties
And one day passed away in his sleep
And his wife; she stayed for a couple of days
And passed away

I'm sorry, I know that's a strange way to tell you that I know we belong
That I know

That I am
I am
I am
The luckiest

loneliness rushes in

And i am in fear again to sleep,
in fear of everything that could be,
and in fear that i have no control.

These nights are the longest.

The Grumpy Co-Pilot

Over the last couple of months, i have fallen into such a state of negativity.
People tell me i am anti-social and rude and begin to have the assumption that i don't like anyone.
Yet i still wonder why people don't want to be around me.
Figures.

I'm sorry i am this way. I do want to be happy.

Day after day, Chet after Chet

Just Friends

fact.

I am in love with you.
Or, i am definitely falling in love with you.
And there is absolutely nothing i can do about it.

Salut.

Appreciation Society 1#

"i can not stop hurting you,
i will break your heart in two.
Let it go
Let it go
Oh dear
Stop Killing yourself"

I really should listen to such wise and beautiful words from someone i know.

This someone that i speak of, i have not known for a very long time. I met them one evening when i was performing. From the second i saw them i knew that we were meant to know each other. I believe that happens in life. You are certainly meant to meet particular people. Sometimes that can be for the better or worse of things.
This person in particular is for the better.
I am inspired, uplifted and excited by the strong personality, passion and creativity that this soul possess. They have taught me somehow how to feel so much more about particular things. It is so refreshing to experience a new mindset.
They make me giggle especially, and feel bold. Almost invincible, almost.

I am very lucky to have such a special person in my life.
It is a beautiful thing, to experience like minded souls. I hope it is something anyone feels at least once.

So, as my first installment of my resolution:
This is dedicated to Andrew James Williams.

(this is in no particular order)

All is full of love.

I am lost.
Yet again, i have experienced a death.
The only thing that i can take from this year, is a realisation. Life is too short to take for granted. before you know it, people slip from your lives and you don't know if you will never have the chance to let them know how much you appreciate them.
So i know i have to change things. I can no longer wait for things to happen, i have to make them happen. I will no longer hold back if i have something to say to someone that i hold close.
All the people that i get to share precious moments with, thank you. I love all of you. I would be absolutely nothing if it wasn't for the folk that i have to help me through trials and tribulations.
You might know it all already, but from now own i will continue to remind you.
I have certain things to say to certain people, and i will start on that list tomorrow.
It is too much of a risk to hold back in life. James Dean once said:
"Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today"
Amen.

Tomorrow

I promise to stop loving you tomorrow
Today can be your last day in my arms again
I promise to stop thinking of you constantly
And wishing I could wake up every morning next to you
Darling yes its true
But today can we pretend it’s not too late
I promise to stop dreaming bout you
Promise to stop waiting for your calls
Cause I don’t want to care at all
But maybe just tonight we should forget about what’s right one last time
Because I promise to stop loving you tomorrow
Today will be your last day in my arms again
I promise to stop thinking of you constantly
And wishing I could wake up every morning next to you
Darling yes it’s true
But today can we pretend it’s not too late
Today can we pretend

Still.

Non believer.

I don't think anyone i know takes what i do seriously.
It isn't a nice thing to think but it seems to be true. Unless what i am doing is free, it ain't worth seeing.
Funny that.

Alright, i'll admit it.

I want to get married
I want to live in my dream home
I want to watch you fix your car
I want to bake cakes
I want to set my hair in rollers and do the laundry
I want to go on holidays
I want to lie on the lounge and listen to the radio
I want to welcome you home at the end of the day, kiss you on the cheek, and walk with you inside.

I don't
want to be alone.

I have to drive

I have my reasons, dear.
It's cold outside
I haven't slept in years.

I suffer mornings most of all
I feel so powerless and small
By ten o'clock I'm back in bed
fighting the jury in my head.



It seems all i can do now, is put on my face and do my hair and pretend.
Pretend that i am such a busy girl, with so many things to think of.
And that i am not thinking of you every day, every hour and every second that goes by.

fairytale

Happiness doesn't exist.

All at sea

It is easier to shut yourself off completely than talk to the people who are trying to help you.
I don't know what to do anymore. Please don't let me give up on this.

Bittersweet symphony

I am in such a beautifully fucked situation right now.
I am constantly crushed by the hardship that is my feelings towards someone, that is intertwined with so many problems that surround us. But, i am not willing to give any of this up.
Why should I?
I watch how hard everything is to them, and it kills me. It's hard to step out of the natural selfish nature of us human beings and let things run their cause. I will be here for it all regardless.
I'm trying to tell myself that something so good can only be so bad.
"No light without dark" Is what my friend tells me.
It must be true, if i knew that there wasn't a light at the end of this tunnel, i wouldn't be here.
This is too good to throw away.
But fuck it's so hard.
This horrible, horrible and vicious cycle.

Noir Boudoir

Vivian Marlowe.
Enter the Noir Boudoir.
Photo By James Wilson.

Life lessons

Some things are worth fighting for.
Times have always been tough. Why does this generation believe that everything should be served to them on a silver platter?
I am willing to work for this. I know i haven't felt like this before, and i know it is worth keeping it alive.

Wagon Wheel

Headed down south to the land of the pines
And I'm thumbin' my way into North Caroline
Starin' up the road
And pray to God I see headlights

I made it down the coast in seventeen hours
Pickin' me a bouquet of dogwood flowers
And I'm a hopin' for Raleigh
I can see my baby tonight

So rock me mama like a wagon wheel
Rock me mama anyway you feel
Hey mama rock me
Rock me mama like the wind and the rain
Rock me mama like a south-bound train
Hey mama rock me

Oh, the North country winters keep a gettin' me now
Lost my money playin' poker so I had to up and leave
But I ain't a turnin' back
To livin' that old life no more

So rock me mama like a wagon wheel
Rock me mama anyway you feel
Hey mama rock me
Rock me mama like the wind and the rain
Rock me mama like a south-bound train
Hey mama rock me

Walkin' to the south out of Roanoke
I caught a trucker out of Philly
Had a nice long toke
But he's a headed west from the Cumberland Gap
To Johnson City, Tennessee

And I gotta get a move on fit for the sun
I hear my baby callin' my name
And I know that she's the only one
And if I die in Raleigh
At least I will die free

So rock me mama like a wagon wheel
Rock me mama anyway you feel
Hey mama rock me
Rock me mama like the wind and the rain
Rock me mama like a south-bound train
Hey mama rock me.

It's been too long. So much is happening in my world and i have such little time to write about it these days. It is funny though, i seem to find myself on this old thing when i have a feeling of lack luster and nostalgia of not so distant times (which are growing farther away each day)

I woke up yesterday morning. I got up and put on a song that played as my alarm once, and curled back into bed. The gushing feeling of everything that has happened to me, is happening to me and will happen to me, hit me like a tonne of bricks. The worrying thing is though, i was not happy. Or perhaps it was too overwhelming.

Ah Overwhelming. That adjective seems to attach itself to my daily routine like feathers to honey. My body is a petty coward right now. I crumble under the pressure of physical exertion and emotional stress. The doctors tell me "Hypersensitivity" is all apart of my condition. I sure am tired of it. I want to be able to feel sheer emotion again and run as fast and as far as i like, without having to worry that i'll need to go to bed afterward because "i have done my time for the week" I don't want to feel tired anymore. And i most certainly do not want to worry anymore.

I will get better. I can't let this get the better of me. it's damn hard sometimes.

Same ol'

I spend my days wondering.
What they actually think, what's actually going on.
Is it always going to be like this? Am I ever going to know what's happening with myself and people in my life?
Or do I have to continue to guess everything? Only to guess wrong most of the time.

Oh mama!

Noir Boudoir

Everything is Illuminated

"He awoke each morning with the desire to do right, to be a good and meaningful person, to be, as simple as it sounded and as impossible as it actually was, happy. And during the course of each day his heart would descend from his chest into his stomach. By early afternoon he was overcome by the feeling that nothing was right, or nothing was right for him, and by the desire to be alone. By evening he was fulfilled: alone in the magnitude of his grief, alone in his aimless guilt, alone even in his loneliness. I am not sad, he would repeat to himself over and over, I am not sad. As if he might one day convince himself. Or fool himself. Or convince others--the only thing worse than being sad is for others to know that you are sad. I am not sad. I am not sad. Because his life had unlimited potential for happiness, insofar as it was an empty white room. He would fall asleep with his heart at the foot of his bed, like some domesticated animal that was no part of him at all. And each morning he would wake with it again in the cupboard of his rib cage, having become a little heavier, a little weaker, but still pumping. And by the midafternoon he was again overcome with the desire to be somewhere else, someone else, someone else somewhere else. I am not sad."

Relentlessly restless

I am leaving this harbour
Giving urban a farewell
Its habitants seem to keen on God
I cannot stomach their rights and wrongs

I have lost my origin
And I don't want to find it again
Whether sailing into nature's laws
And be held by ocean's paws

Wanderlust! relentlessly craving
Wanderlust! peel off the layers
Until we get to the core

Did I imagine it would be like this?
Was it something like this I wished for?
Or will I want more?

Lust for comfort
Suffocates the soul
Relentless restlessness
Liberates me (sets me free)

I feel at home
Whenever the unknown surrounds me
I receive its embrace
Aboard my floating house

Wanderlust! relentlessly craving
Wanderlust! peel off the layers
Until we get to the core

Did I imagine it would be like this?
Was it something like this I wished for?
Or will I want more?

Wanderlust! from island to island
Wanderlust! united in movement
Wonderful! I'm joined with you

Wanderlust!

Can you spot a pattern?

(relentlessly restless)

Please, not again.

Why is this happening again?
I'm in too deep now.
I don't know how to stop feeling like this and no one is around that i can ask for help.
I can't stop crying and twitching. I'm so scared of absolutely nothing.
I found a cat who had been hit by a car and left on the side of the road this evening, he was still alive. We took him to the veterinary hospital but i don't know if he will live.. This has not helped what is happening to me right now.
Then again, i felt like this last night too. But i was out so i simply couldn't do anything but stand there.
Why is this happening? I just want to feel normal. I just want to sleep and wake up feeling alright.

The 19th of Feb. 11:18 pm

"You are the rare treat, found only inside the rare box you find under the stairs that your grandmother left years ago when she was young... full of all her special things... like old photos, her favourite special rings, the locket you remember seeing around her neck in photos your mum has of her, that box... your inside one of those. and that's Awesome.
If i think that after a combined 20mins of conversation spread out over months... then think what everyone else must think."

This hit me hard. I believe that some things are said to a person that they will never forget.
This is one of them.

Thank you so much, really.

i digress

I fall in love too easily
I fall in love too fast
I fall in love too terribly hard
For love to ever last

My heart should be well-schooled
'Cause I've been FOOLED in the past
And still I fall in love too easily
I fall in love too fast

Have to drive.

I suffer mornings most of all

I feel so powerless and small

By ten o'clock i'm back in bed

Fighting the jury in my head

Spoilt rotten

Today i was awoken with a kiss,
Chet playing in the background
And Eggs Benedict on the table.
Now that, is how a Saturday morning should always be.

Ray Ceaser, I love you.

Do yourself a favour.
A pleasure for the eyes!

http://www.raycaesar.com/work

Oh Imelda May!

Last night i was fortunate enough to experience the greatness that is Imelda May.
I didn't actually know she was even coming until last Saturday so i was pretty lucky to grab myself a ticket and head down to the Flyby Night club in Fremantle.
There was a lot of friendly faces that i knew and we were all very eager to see what Imelda had install for us.
I gotta admit, i didn't really like the support band. I thought it was a little strange to have someone support who's genre was totally different to the main act to the point where you would expect a lot of people not to enjoy it, but oh well. They weren't bad, just not my cup of tea.

But then there she was, in all her glory. It's the first time i have seen Imelda May live and i am still utterly amazed. She was incredible. So clean and so bad ass! I was lucky enough to grab a dance with a swell guy and then twisted the rest of the gig away with my lovely friends.

Dublin born Imelda has a real Rhythm and blues kind of sound to her. Touching on rockabilly from time to time. Her voice is incredibly powerful and totally sexy. I can happily say i was swoonin' over her for most of the gig. One song in particular she did was beautiful. She told us a story about how she knew a woman who had been happily married ever since she was 16. who talked to her husband every single day despite the fact he had died a couple of years ago. Saying that even though no one could see him, perhaps he really was there. This tied into the next song called Knock 1 23. It tells of someone secretly meeting with their lover and being engrossed in their love. It was magical! the trumpet simply made me melt.

She had us swinging away for a little bit more then finished with a brilliant cover of My Baby Left Me and Tainted Love. If it wasn't for the the huge amount of energy that her and her band were expelling i think the whole crowd would have been dead from dancing so much.

I really hope to see her again some time. It is so refreshing to see real talent and entertainment. You can never get enough of rhythm and blues!

I'm afraid to say

I have experienced sides of me over the last few months that i do not like at all.
moments where i cannot control how i move, feel or react to a situation. I'm usually paralysed so to speak and overwhelmingly upset. And by these moments it's usually a situation where i am incredibly exposed and a lot is happening to myself.
It is terrifying. Only a few have witnessed it and i can't give any explanation to them afterwards, only saying "I'm so sorry" over and over again.
I wish i could fix it. But i really don't know how.

I know i am sick. And i know that sometimes i can not get out of bed for a few days. When this "turn" happens, i am straight back into bed. I don't have the energy to face the day. It goes away eventually.

I am very afraid to say though, that i am beginning to think that the only way i can over come this is if i go through it alone. I know a lot of people would think that would be the worst idea, but i just don't know. At least if these weird, freak outs occur on my own, i can just sort it out and not have to go through the embarrassing aftermath of apologising for being crazy. At the same time, i don't want to give up what i have with someone just for something like this.

I really don't know what to do. I have told doctors and all they say is to just take it easy and ingest said drugs. I'm over it. I'm over being tired and feeling sick and being afraid to be totally and utterly open and comfortable with someone just in case i turn.

I hope they understand why i feel like this.

Oh my goodness

I am totally in love and obsessed with this song.
I can not for the life of me get it out of my head!

waking hour

I miss the smell of the rain
The smell of nostalgia
The smell of my bed
The smell of my cupboard, and it's small drawers where i would hide my pay.
The smell of raisin toast when i'd come home.
The smell of real food.
The smell of the students downstairs, wafting into the bathroom.
The smell of the sea.

I miss the feeling of the cold morning seeping through the cracks of my window
The feeling of new sheets
The feeling of ever changing weather on my skin
The feeling of fur
The feeling of hard times and simple pleasures
The feeling of happiness
The feeling of wholeness
The feeling of excitement
The feeling of it all falling into place.

I miss everything.

Please, go away.

I can't handle seeing you anymore.
Don't come up to me and touch me. It's not fair.
I don't want to see what you're thinking, or what you're doing.
I was too civil about the whole thing, so now it is too hard to face you.
Please, just got away.
I never wanted it to be like this.

The Red Shoes

I may have written about this before, but oh well i don't care.
My Grandmother showed me this film when i was 4, and ever since i have thought it was the most magical, terrifying and beautiful thing i have ever seen. The shop-keeper will always be the scariest/most intriguing man on earth.
Every scene in this movie is amazing. the Ballet scenes themselves were so ahead of their times and flawless. It is highly recognised for intergrating the common trivialities that a ballet dancer would face, and the stage performance itself.
God, and the costumes! incredible!
i always loved a particular scene in the ballet performance where Robert Helpmann is somewhat a man made from newspaper.
If you don't respect the beauty of Ballet then you are a fool. It is one of the most exquisite forms of artistic expression that will ever exist. So really, it is your loss.
Perhaps watch this film or if you are lucky enough, go see the Ballet itself and maybe your views will change!

P.S i think i have always had a crush on Robert Helpmann.

Something happened.

Sunday has just passed.
I partook in the next installment of Varietease. This event was to raise money for a very worthy organisation that raises money for women in war torn countries to well, basically live a life they deserve.
At first i believed that i almost shouldn't have been apart of this event. Being so young it almost made me feel that i have yet to understand the power and understanding that went into the statements that were intending to be sent across to viewers.
A talented woman named Hannah Morgaine gave a speech closer to the end of the show. Her speech reminded me of the importance of what myself and other woman were doing that day. Her words were powerful and eye opening, and i can proudly say that i was one of the women she was speaking for on behalf.

I did my act. I was not proud of it but i did it. I guess i will leave it at that.
By the end of the show all i cared about was what i had witnessed in Iskra Valentine's Performance.
Iskra was born and grew up in Pakistan until she moved to Australia in 2003. Her performance was about Honor killings that Occur in Pakistan and to acknowledge and protest against these barbaric acts of violence against women.
Never doubting the talent that Iskra possesses, i knew that i was in for something good anyway.
But i will say this,
I have never, ever been so incredibly moved in my life. To the point where the only thing i could do was clap as the tears swelled in my eyes. I am still speechless. Perhaps when i finally can gather the words to explain just how important and powerful her performance was, i will repost this blog.

I don't think i can say anything else, besides that i know some incredible, incredible women; and that there is so much we can do in this world. Thank you.

http://www.thedollrag.com/2010/03/la-roux-mental-illness-and-leaving-no.html

It's just the way it is

I can't help feeling the way i do some days.
It is not mind over matter. It's just the way it is.
I am not choosing to be this way. There is nothing i can do.
I don't know why some people can't understand this.

I'd rather have a paper doll that i can call my own

Varietease III Fuck Forever.
Vivian Marlowe- The Love Me or Die

A slight change in the weather.

In these last two days i have noticed little things about myself.
I have changed, just a little though.
I decided to quit my current job. It was only making me more ill than i am already.
That is not the only decision i have made in these last couple of days. Some, seem to have just happened without me knowing, i like that.
I'm taking more time to do my hair in the morning, that is a sign for me. A sign that tells me that i slowly, very slowly, being my old self again. I am caring again.
I wake up early and i make myself breakfast, i sit and eat it in my solitude. I spend evenings on my own. I am feeling comfortable in my old skin again.

Yesterday i came home in the early evening to find that i received a letter from my gorgeous friend. I was aware she was sending me a selection of music, but found a lot more than just that. She had written beautiful words that as i read down, brought tears to my eyes. I was reminded of how lucky i am to have such a grand friendship, and should never forget that.

It also made me realise how much i do really need to get my act together.Knowing that i have such a wonderful friendship waiting for me only encourages me to do so. Same goes for the need to make it to another part of the world as soon as i can for another incredible person i know. Friends are so ever important.

I feel just from slipping on a good pair of hose today, i know that i am back on my horse.

Sure, all these things may seem like such small little steps, but that is what my beautiful friend said to me. Small steps are very important, and i believe she is right.

Oh miss Marlowe, you feel so old but not very wise.

The promise land

Taken by a beautiful friend of mine. Soon, i continue to tell myself. Soon.

Last night I was in heaven

I saw my old gypsies. I was surrounded by people I love and missed. We sat in my old favourite place, drank and conversed. I was home. It was bliss.

And then I woke up.

stirred emotions

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you.
Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend.
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood.
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good.
And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for.
But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share
And none of it seems to matter anymore.
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a bird in the wood
Who can say if I've been
Changed for the better?
I do believe I have been
Changed for the better
And because I knew you.
I have been changed for good.


I miss you.

If I didn't care

If I didn't care more than words can say
If I didn't care would I feel this way?
If this isn't love then why do I thrill?
And what makes my head go 'round and 'round
While my heart stands still?

If I didn't care would it be the same?
Would my ev'ry prayer begin and end with just your name?
And would I be sure that this is love beyond compare?
Would all this be true if I didn't care for you?

a collection of memories

http://www.tristandavies.com/siahneroom.htm

I remember once,

I was sitting in my old house in Fremantle, playing with a doll on the floor in the lounge room.
My mum came and sat beside me and told me how she loved playing with dolls when she was young. She then said "I wish i never had grown up"
I was suddenly saddened by what she said. I remember it distinctly.

I now understand exactly how she felt when she said that, and i couldn't agree more.
I don't think i want to play this game anymore.

When i think about it.

i don't think i can do this.
I need to stay focused.
But you thrill me.
I have plans.
I said i wouldn't.
But you excite me right down to my bones.

My dearest Jon,

This is the same post from a while back. i just needed to change the title. There is no need to pretend that i don't want them to know it's for them. I'm not asking for attention in this sense, i just need to do this for myself.
Written on the 2nd of Feb 2010.
I thought i could handle what was going on. But in all honesty i am wrong.
Every time i see you, the feeling in the pit of my stomach is unbearable.
When i see you with her, i am furious and so hurt at the same time. All i want is to spend time with you again but she's stuck onto you like a leech.
Surely you know that she is taking advantage of you. I know you do. You just don't seem to care.
It's not fair. That's what i am constantly telling myself. It's not fair that i was brushed off like some fallen leaf simply because what was happening couldn't continue. Only to find out that you had an understudy waiting in the wings anyway.
You say to me that it is hard for you too, that i do not understand. While you sleep with someone else for your own simple gain of filling a unnecessary need, do you still think that this is difficult for you as well?
Or have i been played for a fool again?
You make me so angry, that i decided to give one More chance to this society that i have to be apart of, only to have this happen to me.
I want to be your friend. But you make it too hard. You tell me that she means nothing. I don't believe you anymore.
I don't want to have to worry that when i see you she will be there. I want to scream when she is, and has the to nerve just to walk off in the distance. Or to even sit down!
I deserve better than to have a friendship based on such ridiculous terms.
Friendship, there it is again.
That's all i ask of you.
Why is it that everyone around me is so self absorbed, that sex overrules everything?
I told you today that i don't think you have the time to be my friend anymore.
I wish i wasn't right.

This, is what has taken so much precious time from me in the last few months.
And so i say it again. No more.

I leave soon, i won't forget about you.
And i doubt i'll forget about this.

Jetsetter

These last couple of days i have spent away in Sydney.
This city is the probably the last place anyone would expect me to be, and i would agree. I did not choose to come here.
I think i can safely say that Sydney is my least favourite place to be, and it is killing me to know that i can head to the train station now and be in the one, beautiful place where my heart lies.
It's so cold here. I feel no amazing atmosphere what so ever. Sure, there are some beautiful buildings, but where are the beautiful people?
Although today, i saw Wicked for the third time. That indeed brought tears of joy to my eyes.
Being here has made me realise more and more where i want to be, and what i want to be doing.
Emerald city, i miss you and will be in your warm arms soon.
I hope.

Shot

http://gingerfoxvintage.blogspot.com/2010/02/splashes-of-colour-in-perth-city.html

Life in film

" You've forgotten one thing - me."
"What's wrong with you?"
"Nothing you can't fix"

You're playing with fire.

I like that, I'd like more.

Les Girls

Curtains, stand by.

Ladies and Gentlemen!
Sly dogs and Rough dames!
Hep cats and swingin’ gals!
I ask you to come with me, Down to dirty back streets of New Orleans in old 19 dickety boo. Where lust and caution is in the air. This! is where, ladies and gentlemen; We meet our Lovely, scrumptious mesmerising Miss Vivian Marlowe.
Now I tell you this. There once was a traveller, who fell hopelessly in love with dear Marlowe! But she wouldn’t have any of it. So what does a mysterious traveller do if he does not get his way, you may be asking?
HODOO! MY FRIENDS!
And well let’s just say, one must be careful with what they wish for.
Ah love, it is amazing what lengths a man will go for it. Perhaps even, Death?
SO!I ask you, to draw close! Loosen your ties and lick your lips. Prepare to howl and moan!
It gives me too much pleasure, to introduce to you..
Miss Marlowe in:
THE LOVE ME OR DIE.

New Season, New Reason.

A slight change has been made to my identity.
I am not who i was before, there for i no longer go by my old name.
There is a new gal in town.

For you.

There are places I'll remember
All my life, though some have changed
Some forever, not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places had their moments
With lovers and friends, I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life, I've loved them all

But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life, I'll love you more

Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life, I'll love you more

You sly dogs.

I have no respect for you anymore.
I don't trust you anymore.
2010, hurry the fuck up and begin.
The light at the end of the tunnel is not in this city, and there is no chance in hell that i am stickin' around much longer.
Thank you people of Perth* for wasting my precious time, money and love.
It's over.

From now on

The only thing i will fall for is beautiful old buildings and jazz from times before me. Then my heart cannot be broken.

Confess

"I work at a local and when no one is watching, i tear out pagees from the books. I don't know why."

Soon to come

With my first pay, i will buy my self a harmonica. Preferably in a minor key.
This is how i resolve all my problems from then on.

The illusions of happiness

The grope of your skin
The pull of your hair
To not know your name

The sniff of the line
The smoke in the air
It always ends the same

The feeling of ecstasy
The time that slows down
You think you're ahead of the game

These are the illusions of happiness

Wanted:

This is it.

Every once in a while, we come across someone who is truly beautiful.
They should be treated like a collectable.
You look, but you don't touch.
All you will do is tarnish or break what you have.

I have done this.
Now what i had is on a high shelf so i can't go near it again.
I tarnish everything that i touch.

I do not know what to say

I'm not well.
I guess i will write something when something actually happens in my life.
Falling for someone is possibly one of the worst things in the world.